April 6, 2025 — Episode #66

Fresh off a family trip to Italy, Jerry and Becky Drace begin a new section of their divorce series called “Lessons Learned,” sharing candid statements from people who have been through divorce.

The Draces unpack why forgiveness is a choice rather than a feeling, using the old image of “burying the hatchet but not the handle” to explain how people say they forgive but still bring old hurts back up. They talk about bitterness as more damaging than the divorce itself, tying it to Hebrews 12:15 and the image of a deep-rooted weed that keeps coming back. The couple also addresses how deeply pastors’ wives can hurt in silence, the importance of pastoral accountability, and a story about an adult child who came out as gay with little relationship with his father growing up. They close with a story about a woman who ignored her friends’ warnings and, in her words, went from dating to “dating the wrong crowd entirely.”

Topics discussed:

• Forgiveness as a choice, not just a feeling
• The difference between forgiving and forgetting
• Bitterness as more damaging than divorce itself (Hebrews 12:15)
• Supporting and protecting pastors’ wives and families
• Pastoral accountability and boundaries in counseling
• Fatherlessness and its effects on adult children
• Listening to friends’ warnings before marriage

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March 30, 2025 — Episode #65

Jerry and Becky Drace wrap up their series on the positives of divorce, discussing what it means to no longer walk on eggshells, the value of total honesty between spouses, and what happens when husband and wife are spiritually mismatched.

The couple talks through several more “lessons learned” from people who’ve been through divorce: no longer needing to be defensive, no longer needing to justify every decision, and the relief some feel at gaining independence from a controlling spouse. They have a frank conversation about honesty regarding past relationships and health, noting how a lack of disclosure can put a spouse at risk. Jerry and Becky also explore what happens in a marriage when one spouse leads a family spiritually and the other resists it, encouraging couples to discuss faith seriously before marriage rather than after. They close by previewing next week’s topic: how a divorce differently affects children at different ages and stages of life.

Topics discussed:

• Feeling free from being defensive in a marriage
• Recognizing controlling or manipulative behavior in a spouse
• Honesty about past relationships and health before marriage
• The value of good Christian counseling for both spouses
• Learning from — but not being stuck in — your past
• Spiritual leadership and unequal commitment to faith in marriage
• How divorce affects children differently across age groups

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March 23, 2025 — Episode #64

This week Jerry and Becky Drace continue their look at the positive side of divorce, covering financial relief, boundaries with in-laws, and the moral choices some parents make once a difficult spouse leaves the home.

The couple discusses how divorce can bring financial relief for some but can also leave a spouse — often the wife — responsible for unexpected debt. Becky shares her own story of finishing her college degree and later a master’s in Christian counseling with Jerry’s encouragement, and the two talk about how spouses should support rather than hold each other back. They also dig into overbearing in-laws and recommend a well-known book on boundaries, plus discuss the importance of establishing spiritual unity early in a marriage. The episode covers how a parent can rebuild a home’s moral foundation after divorce, including a difficult story about a child discovering a parent’s involvement with pornography, and closes with tips on finding a qualified Christian counselor.

Topics discussed:

• Financial relief and financial risk after divorce
• Supporting a spouse’s education or career goals
• Setting boundaries with in-laws
• Spiritual unity (or disunity) in marriage
• Children discovering a parent’s moral failures
• Choosing and vetting a Christian counselor
• The American Association of Christian Counselors
• Rebuilding moral and spiritual structure in a single-parent home

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March 2, 2025 — Episode #61

Content note: this episode discusses domestic abuse, including an account of a woman who hid a black eye behind sunglasses at church, and briefly references childhood sexual abuse as a reason someone entered an early marriage.

Jerry and Becky Drace continue sharing anonymous stories of positive change after divorce, focusing this week on healing from abuse and rebuilding a sense of self.

They recount a pastor’s account of confronting a husband over abuse discovered within his own congregation, and share statements from formerly abused spouses who described relief at “no longer living with a monster” and regaining self-esteem after years of feeling beaten down. The conversation turns to spiritual healing — one woman’s insight that “God didn’t leave me, my husband did,” renewed involvement in mission trips, and rediscovering personal identity — along with the importance of shared faith and open communication in a future relationship. Referencing a well-known Christian family counselor’s teaching on self-worth, they close with a preview of next week’s topic: red flags to watch for before remarrying.

Topics discussed:

• A pastor’s account of confronting domestic abuse in a congregation
• Rebuilding self-esteem and healing from depression after divorce
• Learning forgiveness and separating God’s faithfulness from a spouse’s failure
• Renewed spiritual growth, including mission trips
• The importance of shared faith and communication before marriage
• Rediscovering personal identity and independence after divorce
• Preview of next week’s discussion on divorce “red flags”

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February 23, 2025 — Episode #60

Content note: this episode revisits, in less detail, a previously discussed account of a woman who plotted to kill an unfaithful ex-husband before finding forgiveness, alongside discussion of pornography and gambling as contributors to failed marriages.

Jerry and Becky Drace close out their discussion of anger and revenge after divorce before pivoting to a topic they say surprises people: the positive changes that can follow.

They talk about how unresolved anger, and in some marriages addictions to pornography, gambling, or social media, can erode a relationship long before divorce occurs. Then, drawing again on anonymous comments gathered over years of marriage conferences, they share statements from divorced men and women about the good that emerged from a hard season — regaining control of parenting decisions, financial relief from a spouse’s harmful spending, the freedom to finally finish an education, the ability to relocate closer to a support system, and learning to depend on God rather than another person.

Topics discussed:

• Unresolved anger and its role in marital breakdown
• Social media, pornography, and gambling as strains on marriage
• Moving from a desire for revenge toward forgiveness
• Regaining parenting control and stability after divorce
• Financial relief after separating from harmful spending habits
• Finishing an education or pursuing a long-delayed goal
• Learning to depend on God rather than a spouse

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February 9, 2025 — Episode #58

Content note: this episode includes a story involving a spouse’s pornography addiction and coming out as gay, and a separate account from a woman who describes plotting for two years to kill her unfaithful ex-husband before finding forgiveness.

Continuing their series on divorce, Jerry and Becky Drace focus on what they call the “mental adjustments” people face after a marriage ends.

They walk through loneliness, damaged self-esteem, loss of motivation, guilt, and depression, encouraging listeners to seek out a qualified Christian counselor rather than carry these burdens alone. The conversation turns to intense anger and the temptation toward revenge, including one woman’s account of the bitterness she carried after discovering her husband’s affair, and how she eventually confronted him with forgiveness even though he never apologized. The episode closes with a look at the social and vocational fallout of divorce — lost friendships, workplace changes, and the financial strain of starting over.

Topics discussed:

• Loneliness and self-esteem after divorce
• Guilt, motivation, and depression following a failed marriage
• The importance of finding a qualified Christian counselor
• Managing intense anger and resisting the pull toward revenge
• A story of moving from bitterness to forgiveness after infidelity
• Loss of friendships and social stigma after divorce
• Vocational and financial adjustments for newly single parents

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February 2, 2025 — Episode #57

Jerry and Becky Drace begin a new multi-week series on divorce, opening with current statistics and the emotional aftermath of a marriage ending.

They cite research showing 43% of first marriages end in divorce, along with far higher failure rates for second and third marriages, and unpack Malachi 2:16’s statement that God “hates divorce” — clarifying that this does not mean God hates divorced people. Drawing on decades of conversations from their marriage conferences, they share anonymous quotes from people who have gone through divorce, including one woman’s description of feeling “like a jigsaw puzzle thrown on the floor.” The episode covers two of what they call the “negative changes” of divorce — family adjustments (like custody and relocation) and financial adjustments (like sudden single-income budgeting and unpaid child support) — and begins to introduce future and physical adjustments as well.

Topics discussed:

• Current statistics on first, second, and third marriage divorce rates
• Malachi 2:16 and the meaning of “God hates divorce”
• Emotional “jigsaw puzzle” imagery for life after divorce
• Family adjustments: custody, relocation, and children
• Financial adjustments: debt, alimony, and child support
• The role of commitment in preventing marital breakdown
• Becky’s book “The Bright Side of Blue”

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January 12, 2025 — Episode #54

Continuing their series on senior adults, Jerry and Becky Drace tackle some common myths about getting older before turning to a deeper, practical look at dementia.

They work through three myths — that everyone over 65 is “old,” that most older people are in poor health, and that older minds can’t stay sharp — countering each with examples of active, mentally engaged seniors. The conversation then shifts to dementia, drawing on insight from a longtime friend who is a physician specializing in cognitive decline. He walks them through seven clinical stages, from no cognitive decline through very severe decline, describing symptoms like memory lapses, disorientation, wandering, and personality changes, along with practical advice for families: how to recognize warning signs, when to seek a clinical evaluation, and what to look for — especially nighttime care — when choosing a care facility for a loved one.

Topics discussed:

• Common myths about aging and mental sharpness
• The seven clinical stages of dementia
• Warning signs like memory lapses, disorientation, and wandering
• Hallucinations and personality changes in advanced dementia
• Supporting family caregivers without guilt
• What to look for when choosing a memory care facility
• Becky’s book “The Bright Side of Blue”

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January 5, 2025 — Episode #53

Kicking off the new year, Jerry and Becky Drace begin a series on growing older, starting with the biblical idea that gray hair can be a “crown of glory.”

Working from Proverbs 16:31, they discuss what it means to age in righteousness and share a list of ten characteristics of what they call “seasoned saints” — including a changing sense of time, an awareness of the full life cycle, a tendency to review one’s past, and the stages of grief (denial, anger, bargaining, and depression). They talk about the comfort of familiar routines and surroundings for older adults, the importance of leaving a spiritual legacy, and the value of passing wisdom to the next generation. Becky shares a personal story of praying for thirty years to be reconciled with estranged family, and the couple remembers a dear family friend who was like a second mother to them and who kept growing in her faith into old age.

Topics discussed:

• Proverbs 16:31 and the idea of a “crown of glory”
• Ten characteristics of what they call “seasoned saints”
• The stages of grief: denial, anger, bargaining, depression
• Making peace with the past and building new memories
• Attachment to familiar people, places, and routines
• Leaving a spiritual legacy for future generations
• Becky’s book “The Bright Side of Blue”

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December 29, 2024 — Episode #52

As 2024 draws to a close, Jerry and Becky Drace skip traditional New Year’s resolutions in favor of ten spiritual goals they believe can shape the year ahead.

The couple walks through each one with Scripture: reading God’s Word daily (including a “H-E-A-R-T” study method Becky learned years ago), praying without ceasing, relying on the Holy Spirit through life’s challenges, attending church regularly, and attending to marriage and family relationships. They also cover being an active witness for Christ, loving fellow believers even when it’s hard, standing firm against temptation, and staying content regardless of circumstances. Along the way they reference a well-known book on marriage called “Love and Respect” and share personal stories about prayer lists, daily devotions, and the discipline it takes to keep faith consistent day to day.

Topics discussed:

• Ten spiritual resolutions for the new year
• Daily Bible reading and the “H-E-A-R-T” study method
• Building a consistent, personal prayer list
• Relying on the Holy Spirit through hardship
• Regular church attendance and life in a faith community
• Strengthening marriage and family commitment
• Being a witness for Christ in everyday encounters
• Becky’s book “The Bright Side of Blue”

Subscribe on Apple Podcasts, on Spotify, or directly via our podcast RSS feed. See the full episode archive for more.