How often has one spouse said to another, “I forgive you”, only to bring up the past occurrence at some future date?  A husband related to me about his wife’s infidelity, “I told her I forgave her.  I buried the hatchet, but I did not bury the handle.  Every time we got into an argument I pulled out the past.”  We do not fully forgive until the handle is buried.  “I forgive you”, is one of the most powerful expressions a human can extend toward another.  It is often pride and self- centeredness which prevents the guilty party from accepting this priceless gift. 

Forgiveness is a choice.  Forgiveness will make you better. The opposite will make you bitter.  A young wife shared with me that she found her husband and her best friend in bed together in their own home. For two years she plotted his murder in such a way that no one would find out who committed the crime.  One morning as she was looking in the mirror putting on her make-up she took an intense look at her face. She said that hate lines had developed around her eyes. Deep wrinkles had formed around her lips.  She had aged almost ten years in just that short period of time.  She said with tears flowing down her cheeks, “I realized I was so full of hate and bitterness that the only one I was killing was myself.”   Forgiveness has five excellent benefits.  They are on page forty-one in my book.

After reading together Psalm 86:5,and Romans 12:19, do you need to extend forgiveness to your spouse?  If so, get alone together and share your willingness to extend this greatest of all Christian virtues. The true test of forgiveness is that once it is extended it is never rescinded. 

This series of devotions relating to marriage are taken from, 44 Ways to Strengthen Your Marriage, by evangelist and pastor Dr. Jerry Drace.  If you are interested in obtaining a copy, or copies of the entire bookyou may contact Dr. Drace at: jdeainc@juno.com.

The number one complaint among married couples is the breakdown in communication after the first few years; in some cases after the first few weeks. Those conversing times before the marriage must continue after the ceremony. Your commitment to time with each other is as important as your vows of faithfulness to each other.  Women thrive on conversation because it says, “You really care about me and my feelings.”  Men talk mostly about external things.  Women live in the Information Age while many of us men are still enjoying the Stone Age.

Communication involves more than the verbal exchange of words.  Body language is as important if not more so than what is spoken.  It takes discipline to continue communicating after the vows are spoken, but it is well worth the effort. When the lines of communication are broken the marriage is soon to follow.

After reading together Psalm 37:30, and Matthew 15:11, talk to your spouse about the things which initially attracted you to her/him.  Plan a time each week where you and your spouse do nothing but talk and listen to each other concerning your feelings about the challenges taking place in your marriage and family.  Listen intently.  Speak carefully.

This series of devotions relating to marriage are taken from, 44 Ways to Strengthen Your Marriage, by evangelist and pastor Dr. Jerry Drace.  If you are interested in obtaining a copy, or copies of the entire bookyou may contact Dr. Drace at: jdeainc@juno.com.

This is the hardest thing to do in the area of communication.  Usually we are either preparing our reply when our spouse is talking, or tuning them out altogether. Listening requires intense concentration.  The older couple was walking through the woods one afternoon and he turned to his wife and said, “It’s windy isn’t it?” She replied, “No it’s Thursday.” He paused a moment and said, “Me too, let’s get something to drink.”  Sometimes neither party listens.

Sometimes silence is the best thing as a story told to me by a friend who was a highway patrolman illustrates.  He pulled over a man for speeding on the interstate. As he approached the car he noticed the radio was so loud the car was rocking. When the driver rolled down the window my friend said, “Do you know you were driving 90 miles per hour?”  The driver’s wife said, “He always drives fast.”  My patrolman friend noticed the driver was not wearing his seat belt.  When he asked him about this the wife said, “He never wears his seat belt.”  Then my friend said, “How could you hear me with your radio so loud?”  Again the wife said, “He always plays it loud.”  The driver turned to his wife and shouted, “Will you shut up!”  My friend then looked across the car at her and said, “Ma’am, does he always talk to you like that?”  She replied, “Nope, only when he’s been drinking!” Sometimes it’s just best not to say anything.  

After reading together Proverbs 2:2, and Colossians 4:6, take a walk with your spouse and just listen to the sounds around you without speaking. When the walk is finished discuss the various sounds you heard.  If you can attune your ears to hear the sounds around you, you can listen even more intently to each other.

This series of devotions relating to marriage are taken from, 44 Ways to Strengthen Your Marriage, by evangelist and pastor Dr. Jerry Drace.  If you are interested in obtaining a copy, or copies of the entire bookyou may contact Dr. Drace at: jdeainc@juno.com. 

Nothing tears at the fabric of a marriage more than being insulted and ridiculed by one’s own spouse.  Name calling, mocking, and belittling have no place in the building of a marriage in private or public.  My wife and I were chatting with a group of couples during a Hope for the Home conference and one of the husbands made a comment regarding his wife’s weight so that all could hear.  Everyone could see the hurt and embarrassment on her face.  Encouragement and reassurance are basic components in a strong marriage. Words of contempt, disrespect, and sarcasm will tear down a marriage. Words of acceptance, approval and support will build one up. 

After reading togetherProverbs 11:17, and Matthew 5:7, make a list of words which hurt your feelings when spoken about you.  Ask your spouse to do the same. Share this list with each other.  As you share the list file these words away in your “heart drive” and never use them again.  Better yet, put these words in the Permanently Delete file.  

This series of devotions relating to marriage are taken from, 44 Ways to Strengthen Your Marriage, by evangelist and pastor Dr. Jerry Drace.  If you are interested in obtaining a copy, or copies of the entire bookyou may contact Dr. Drace at: jdeainc@juno.com.

Lips of praise are the antidote for the lips of poison.  Fault finding is not a sign of strength, but a display of weakness.  A husband or wife who is constantly pointing out the faults in their spouse does so because of the unwillingness to face the faults in their own life.  It is always easier to criticize others than correct the imperfections in your own character.  The harsh tongue reveals a blackened heart. He who is the first to condemn is often the last to forgive.

The Bible tells us that as a little rudder can turn a great ship, so a little tongue can either bless or curse. Whoever said, “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never harm me,” didn’t understand the power of the spoken word.  Cruel words are sharper than razors and the damage they do leave scars below the surface.  Before marriage you could not say enough kind things to your future spouse, so why change the course of the ship after marriage?  You have heard the expression, “I love you warts and all.”  There is much wisdom is this old proverb.  Once you board the ship of marriage there is no reason to abandon her or run her aground.  

After reading togetherEcclesiastes 9:9, and Romans 12:10, make a list of the top ten things you like most about your spouse. Wrap these in a box like a present and give it to him or her just before you go to bed tonight.  It’s a great way to end a day and start the next.   

This series of devotions relating to marriage are taken from, 44 Ways to Strengthen Your Marriage, by evangelist and pastor Dr. Jerry Drace.  If you are interested in obtaining a copy, or copies of the entire bookyou may contact Dr. Drace at: jdeainc@juno.com.

The vows exchanged during the marriage ceremony are sacred. The vows made after the ceremony are equally important. Good intentions never substitute for following through. A promise broken is a memory made just as one that is kept.  We should not promise what we cannot perform.  A spouse who does their best to keep their word is a person of character.  Keeping your promises develops strength in a marriage. This strength, like a fortified castle, will withstand the attacks from all the enemies which seek to surround a marriage and tear it down.

The husband and wife who can be counted on to keep their word is a spouse who can be counted on to defend and protect the marriage at all cost.  I know there are unforeseen circumstances which can occur, but when these become the norm rather than the exception, then promises become fabrications which can unravel the marriage.  Promises delayed need not be denied. As soon as possible fulfill the purpose for which the promise was made. This will restore the bonds of trust and respect.  A promise, like truth, is a standard by which all things are judged. It is the foundation of a solid marriage, the measurement of character, the pattern of faithfulness, the banner of loyalty, and the rule of honesty. Spouses who keep their promises are likely to have children who will do the same.      

After reading together Numbers 30:2, and Romans 4:21, share with your spouse the value of keeping your word. When was the last time you failed to keep a promise?  Have you asked forgiveness and have you made provisions to redeem the promise?

This series of devotions relating to marriage are taken from, 44 Ways to Strengthen Your Marriage, by evangelist and pastor Dr. Jerry Drace.  If you are interested in obtaining a copy, or copies of the entire bookyou may contact Dr. Drace at: jdeainc@juno.com.

I have a friend who is in charge of the vault in a very large bank. Every day he watches people either deposit valuables in their lockboxes or withdraw them for various reasons. He said some individuals will just turn their boxes upside down on the table with thousands of dollars pouring out and enough jewelry to turn the Pirates of the Caribbean green with envy. You can be rich with the trappings of this world and be impoverished in the area of character and integrity. A great marriage is not built on the things you can store in a lockbox, drape around your shoulders, or park in your garage. A great marriage is built on the intangibles of life; character, honesty and integrity.

Integrity is the foundation of all this is high and noble. It flows in the deep clear waters not in the shallows. It associates with that which is superior and does not keep company with that which is inferior. Integrity comes from those who are honest, sound from center to circumference, condemn wrong in friend or foe and especially in themselves; who are devout in their dealings, earnest in their expectations, genuine in their relations, and pure in their motives.

Integrity is not developed suddenly.  Just as an icicle is lengthened one drop at a time so is integrity in the seasons of marriage. If the water which forms the icicle remains clear, then it sparkles in the winter sun and is a source of wonder. If the water is muddy, then the icicle becomes an object of repulsion. We as husbands and wives must walk in our integrity drop-by-drop, day-by-day. Like the icicle, if our lives are pure and right, our marriages will be bright and clear.  However, if we say one thing and practice another our marriages will become tainted and polluted. The price of integrity is a righteous life which will strengthen your marriage. There is a high price to be paid for low living.

After reading together Proverbs 20:7, and Philippians 4:8, share with your spouse what the word, “Integrity” means to you. How is it demonstrated in your marriage, family and work? 

This series of devotions relating to marriage are taken from, 44 Ways to Strengthen Your Marriage, by evangelist and pastor Dr. Jerry Drace.  If you are interested in obtaining a copy, or copies of the entire bookyou may contact Dr. Drace at: jdeainc@juno.com.

We have become a nation where many a husband and wife stay married to their work while divorcing their spouse.  The lie that it may be necessary to sacrifice your marriage and family to be successful has claimed many a victim.  At the conclusion of one of our Hope for the Home conferences, a gentleman approached me and asked if he might have a minute of my time. As we stepped outside into the hot, humid August night he related to me his story. He said that as a young pastor he modeled his ministry after men who pastored the mega-churches.  His ambition was to become the pastor of the largest church in his state.  In just a few short years he achieved his goal. He was well known among his peers and was a much sought after speaker in the major conferences and conventions of his denomination. Then he stopped talking. Tears began to fall from his eyes and splatter on the hot asphalt pavement and then he said….  If you want to read this pastor’s heart breaking confession it is on page 113 in my book, 44 Ways to Strengthen Your Marriage.

A man may pastor and fail to pastor his own family. He may listen to the voices of other wives in his church and never hear the cry of his own wife. He may seek to save other children and lose his own.  Preaching at conventions, selling your books, and serving on executive committees may elevate you in the eyes of your peers while lowering you in the hearts of your spouse and children.

After reading  together Proverbs 13:7, and Mark 8:36, discuss with your spouse what, if any, stress is being created by the hours you put in at work.  Be open to the comments you receive. 

This series of devotions relating to marriage are taken from, 44 Ways to Strengthen Your Marriage, by evangelist and pastor Dr. Jerry Drace.  If you are interested in obtaining a copy, or copies of the entire bookyou may contact Dr. Drace at: jdeainc@juno.com. 

Stubbornness is only a sign of strength when it comes to standing firm for that which is right and good.  The smallest amount of common sense is needed to makes that choice.  Otherwise, obstinacy becomes a source of pride which leads one to think they can do no wrong.  Pride and stubbornness are double first cousins.  A stubborn person is like a bass drum in that both sound loud only because of the emptiness inside.  A husband or wife who is obstinate resembles a pit bull which only lets go after the damage is done both to the dog and the victim. Being sensitive enough to admit you are wrong leads to the healing of a relationship.  Many a marriage has dissolved and passed down the drain of stubbornness and pride.  A stubborn husband or wife insists they are always right and pride makes them think of no one but themselves.

Jesus chose a clinging vine not a sturdy olive tree to teach us about our relation to Him.  He chose a defenseless lamb not a dominate lion when His earthly ministry was introduced on the banks of the river Jordan.  He chose a scrub bush not a lofty cedar to reveal himself to Moses.  A husband or wife who allows stubbornness and pride to control their lives is truly not in control of their marriage.  These two vices changed angels into demons.  Humility will give you the attribute of the angels. Someone once said that a humble person is like a good fruit tree – the fuller of fruit the branches are, the lower they bend themselves.  

After reading together Job 6:24, and James 5:19-20, ask yourself , “Are there areas in my life where stubbornness dominates?  Has pride created cracks in the foundation of my marriage?  Remember, what rests below the surface determines the strength of what stands above.

This series of devotions relating to marriage are taken from, 44 Ways to Strengthen Your Marriage, by evangelist and pastor Dr. Jerry Drace.  If you are interested in obtaining a copy, or copies of the entire bookyou may contact Dr. Drace at: jdeainc@juno.com.